Emotional Intelligence

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Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important for Teens?

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Important for TeensThe concept of emotional intelligence is a top topic among today’s modern adolescents. It’s the young people of today that will make up the workforce of tomorrow. Since businesses are essentially people, anything that impacts the effectiveness of a person will also impact the business in which they work or run.

Many psychologists are agreeing that a person’s level of emotional intelligence, their EQ, is in many cases, more important than their IQ.  Experts are discovering that a person’s EQ is not only a more efficient predictor of the quality of potential relationships, but also an effective predictor for success and overall happiness.

Your level of emotional intelligence is your ability to understand and recognize your own emotions and reactions. In essence, it’s your level of self-awareness. To be able to control, manage and adapt your mood, emotions and responses through self-management. Having the skills to motivate yourself through emotions and then take the appropriate actions to commit and follow though, is a learned skill.

It is also a powerful skill to be able to recognize and discern the feelings of others, making a connection and gaining trust. Being able to build relationships, relate to other people in any given social situation, work as part of a team and negotiate any conflicts that may arise, are prominent core elements to social emotional intelligence.

Why is emotional intelligence so important?
Think about your mental well-being. Many of today’s young people deal with stress and pressure each day. Those who lack the skills to deal with these stresses have a higher chance of acting out due to a lack of mental well-being. Having emotional intelligence skills affects both your outlook and attitude. It can also help get rid of anxiety, help you deal with mood swings and avoid depression.

Now consider your physical well-being. Possessing the ability to properly manage your stress has a powerful impact on your overall wellness, which is tied to your level of emotional intelligence. It is from being aware of your emotional state and your reactions to various situations that you can learn to manage your stress and maintain good health.

Developing quality relationships is a skill everyone should have. By understanding your emotions you can better manage yourself and communicate effectively. You will also be able to relate to those around you by understanding the needs and feelings of others. This will help you to build stronger bonds and have more fulfilling relationships.

The skill of conflict resolution is one many people wish they had. Being able to see the perspective of another person is a powerful skill that will serve you well throughout your entire life. It’s easier to get along with people and give them what they want when you’re able to see both sides of a conflict.

It’s easy to see how social emotional intelligence plays a very important role in many areas of life. It plays a critical role in every aspect of the quality of our professional and personal existence. While technology can aid us in learning and mastering information, it’s mastering emotional intelligence where we learn to manage and master our emotions.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:
Psych Central
ASTD

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Leadership Roles in Social Emotional Intelligence: How stress is affecting our kids

Leadership Roles in Social Emotional Intelligence How stress is affecting our kidsWhen you think of stress, think of pressure. Imagine the pressure a sculptor places on a piece when carving marble. When the right amount of pressure is added, the marble turns into a masterpiece, however, when too much pressure is applied, the marble crumbles into pieces.

Stress is normal as our life is full of challenges, deadlines, frustrations, and pressures. While stress can be productive, in that it can help us produce better work and meet our goals, too much stress is known to result in severe emotional and physical changes. We’ve heard for years that too much stress can cause damage to the heart and immune system, but what about areas of the brain?

Adriana Galván, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Los Angeles, is studying the effects of stress on brain function in adolescents. She notes that, “studies on stress and cognition across development have mostly focused on chronic, severe and often traumatic stress, such as child abuse or neglect,” but her new research “shows the relationship between  normative daily stress and associated stress hormones, and power of decision-making during adolescence.”

When humans are exposed to stress, the brain reacts by secreting a variety of hormones. Of these hormones, adrenaline and cortisol are two that arrive on the scene, increasing the heart rate and blood pressure. Once the stressful situation has ceased, the brain stops the production of these hormones and eventually, the body returns to its natural state.

Chronic stress, which is the response to emotional pressure endured for a prolonged period which an individual recognizes they have no control over, directly affects the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex, the parts of the brain responsible for attention and memory. Chronic stress is common in young people because for many, they are in the initial phase of life learning the skills needed to deal with life’s demands. Galván’s new research showed that chronic stress also affects the adolescents’ amygdala, the part of their brain associated with aggression and anxiety.

Over prolonged periods of time, these changes in adolescents’ brain can influence their ability to make decisions. Of course, the way a young person responds to stress is based on their previous experiences, making it all the more imperative to teach young people about social emotional intelligence.

Teaching our kids how to effectively use social emotional intelligence as a tool will help them understand and manage emotional distress, learn better ways to deal with social situations, build and maintain meaningful relationships, and make responsible decisions.. There comes a point when young people begin to actively judge and address life’s dangers on their own. They are suddenly confronted with situations where they need to decide how to intervene – whether to use violence or counter violence – confrontations that require intense physical and emotional reactions.

Our young people are learning about human intent and motivation, how to deal with struggles and deal with accountability, irresponsibility and malevolence. Without the proper skills, a lot can go wrong along the way. However, with the right skills, with the learned skills of social emotional intelligence, they can come out on top, be successful academically and socially, happier and less stressed.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:

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Effective Tips on How to Motivate Teenagers

Effective Tips on How to Motivate TeenagersWith the exception of depression, teens are not truly unmotivated. They have the motivation to do the things they like (pleasurable and fun) and avoid doing things they dislike (work). More times than not, the issue is that adolescents often lack the motivation their parents hope for. Many parents want their teenagers to try harder, care about doing better, to achieve more, to be self-starters and in general, be more ambitious. The result often turns out not be an unmotivated teenage problem, but instead, a dissatisfied parent problem.
 
Motivation is based on needs, such as the need for independence, the need to belong and the need for competence. Two ways in which to address the dissatisfied parent problem is to view motivation in both intrinsic and extrinsic ways. For example, there’s the extrinsic motivation question, how can we get our kids to want to do better for us, as parents and there’s the intrinsic motivation question, how can we get our kids to want to do better for themselves?

About extrinsic motivation
Extrinsic or external motivation is motivation outside a person’s self-esteem and personal passions. It is anything outside of yourself that you need to have or gain to increase your level of motivation. Examples of extrinsic motivation include high school grades, expensive houses and cars, money, company bonuses and even gold stars for school performance.

About intrinsic motivation
Intrinsic or internal motivation is the opposite of extrinsic motivation in that people are motivated by their passions, by things that give them joy in life. People who are intrinsically motivated are not motivated by the thought of nice cars and big houses, but are instead, motivated by getting paid for doing what they love and from learning. They are motivated from within.

Why the power of persuasion fails
Parents wondering how to motivate their teenagers often rely on the power of persuasion. They attempt to apply extrinsic motivation by urging, encouraging and in some cases, even pleading with their adolescents to do better. When teenagers are in a place of resistance, this approach is usually more irritating than encouraging. It comes across as dissatisfaction at your end, and a lecture they’ve heard before at their end. The method of offering rewards for improved performance and punishment for unimproved behavior is generally counterproductive.
 
It’s counterproductive because this behavioral reward system can be perceived as threats to which most teens will rebel against to avoid feeling like they are being pushed around. The threat of punishment, especially when it’s in the form of sanctions or criticism, on the other hand, sparks hurt and resentment that only encourages resistance.

Instead of implementing an extrinsic motivational method of condition plus promise, such as “I’ll give you what you want if you give me what I want”, try a more empathetic approach that involves concern and communication. Explain to your teen that you wish they would help you understand how they feel about (a particular situation or event) so see what you can work out together. When teens feel less objected to parental control and feel that their parent is more in tune with their concerns, they tend to be more inclined to cooperate.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:
Academic.edu
Psychology Today

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Teenage Goal Setting Tips: Things you need to understand about setting goals

Teenage Goal Setting Tips Things you need to understand about setting goalsThere really is no better time to set goals than today. Young people especially, will find goal setting extremely helpful in getting where they want to go in life. However, even when we set goals, we can experience difficulties getting started on our path to success. Since each person has their own unique set of strengths and weaknesses, setting goals helps to separate these differences and makes achieving our goals more realistic.

When you decide to set your goals, it’s important to understand these teenage goal-setting tips ahead of time.  

Change takes time
If part of the new you includes changes, you will need to give yourself the time required to have these changes take effect. Realistically, it takes most people several months to establish a new habit. Think of a time when you decided to hit the gym before school each morning. That likely meant you had to get up earlier each day. While you may have struggled to wake up earlier at first, over time, it became easier and maybe even natural, to wake up at the new time. It’s necessary to give your brain time to get used to a new idea.

Set realistic goals
While dealing with change is one part of succeeding, setting realistic goals is another. People who set specific, realistic goals tend to stick with the new changes and adapt more readily. Instead of setting a goal to perform a full circuit of training every morning, set a goal to work only the upper part of your body one day and the lower part the next. Keep your goals realistic.

Do it for you!
You’ve probably heard sayings along the lines that pleasing other people does not work. There is a lot of truth to these words, so take them for what they’re worth. The key to successful goal setting and changes is finding the desire to succeed inside yourself. It’s imperative that you set goals because you want to. It’s hard to stay motivated if your heart is doing it for the wrong reasons.

A setback is not the same as failure
It’s inevitable that you’ll experience roadblocks or some level of failure along the way. Every successful person in the world has experienced some level of failure. It is perfectly normal to take a few attempts before getting it right. Reaching a goal is not always easy. Making mistakes along the way is part of the process, so don’t beat yourself up over failure. Instead, see how you can learn from them and get yourself back on track.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:
Community Tool Box
Education.com

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The Youth Factor: Learning how to make social emotional intelligence work for you

The Youth Factor Learning how to make social emotional intelligence work for youAs a youth in today’s world, things are much different than they were for young people a couple of decades back. One reason for this is the structure of the family, in that more and more families consist of single parent homes. As a single parent come more responsibility and often less money for everyone in the house. This style of home life can sometimes complicate things and add to the already stressful day-to-day events today’s youth face. Additionally, all pervasive technology has reduced considerably free play and social interactions.

While some young people deal with their stress by lashing out and bullying, others are learning to deal with life in a more positive and productive manner. Since being heard and fitting in remain top priority for most young people, learning how to use social emotional intelligence will help you focus and make better choices.

For example, when a bully challenges you, you can take deep breaths and decide to walk away rather than confront the bully. By using social emotional intelligence, you can learn ways to develop yourself personally, socially and professionally. Take this scenario as an example, one that many of you may have experienced:

You are alone walking across a football field heading to gym class. Walking behind you are two boys who are obviously football players. You are not a football player but are considering trying out for the team. From behind, you suddenly hear one of the boys say to you, “So, I hear you’re going to try to play football.” The other boy snickers at his friend’s comment.

You hear his words and the contempt in his voice. You close your eyes and take a deep breath then turn to the boys and reply, “Yeah. I’m going to try out for the team even though I’m not very good at football.” After a pause, you add, “But I’m great at drawing. Show me something and I can draw it really good!” Then looking at the boy who made the original comment, you continue, “I’ve seen you play. You’re a really good football player. I would like to be as good as you someday.”

Your reply is not what your antagonist expected. Instead of coming back with a mean comment, you’ve disarmed him with your conversation. To your surprise the boy replies, “Well. You’re not that bad. Maybe I can show you a few things sometime.” Social emotional intelligence is the learned process through which adolescents implement the knowledge, perspective and skills needed to understand and manage emotions.  They understand goal achievement, empathy, and how to get along with others and develop positive relationships. It’s about having the emotional tools and mental ability to understand what’s happening and then deal with it appropriately. The short interaction with the football boys is an excellent example of learned social emotional intelligence.

By hearing the skepticism in the voice of the taunting football player and keeping your cool, you will have displayed your learned level of social emotional intelligence. Wherever you may be on this earth – whatever condition you may be in life, you will always find a need to draw on social emotional intelligence experiences.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200805/social-intelligence-authentic-relationship-and-conscious-communication
http://www.karlalbrecht.com/siprofile/siprofiletheory.htm
http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-issues-facing-our-youth-today.php

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About Living in the Moment: The little things in life that matter most

About Living in the Moment The little things in life that matter mostLiving in the moment allows one to observe thoughts and feelings and generate a calm to deal with life’s situations. As John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

For the past months, years, decades, it is one thing or other. Time just slips away like sand from my fingers as I try to hold on to it. Days blend until everything is a blur. With the advent of dawn, the mind clicks into gears and sets the course on the day’s programmed journey. I think I am living in the moment for longer than most of people, but there are times when I am worried about the future or thinking about the past. I forget to be, just be.

As the day unfolds I find time to meditate, spend time with family and harmonize my body and mind amidst the swarm of wheeling and dealings of life. Yet, there is something missing. Something vital lacking.

Let me share one of our rituals with you. My son and I go green whenever possible. While using the car we try to lump as many errands as possible in one time to save fuel and cut back on carbon dioxide emission. One of our rituals is that we go for our haircuts together. We zoom in and we dash out. After the haircut, we look great feel good about beating the time and doing good for the brethren earthlings.

It has been over two months since we cancelled the appointment and got our haircuts. Hence, we look like unkempt poodles. It is a bad hair day, every day. To make things better I decided to wear my hair in a ponytail. Usually I dress well, but do not place a lot of emphasis on looks. The next day at work I am amazed at the number and depth of comments I received over my changed hair style. People had a question if everything is all right. Wow!!

It brought home that looking good matters because others have to look at you too. A well-dressed person is perceived to be someone who:

  • Is smart enough to handle a multitude of situations. Since intelligence is required to mix and match clothes accordingly, this is someone who cares about themselves and about others.
  • Thinks about themselves enough to spend money and time on their appearance.
  • Is self-assured, secure, feels good and vibrant regardless of their age.

What can I do since the next hair appointment is not until two weeks? I put on my thinking cap and scheduled two separate appointments for both of us. I realized that it is fun to be spontaneous and enjoy things as they happen. I hum as I go for my hair cut. As I entered the salon, I look in Angie’s eyes and tell her, “Work your magic Angie!” We talk, laugh and share our news as we catch up. I do not know where the time went. I feel good and look good as the reflection in the mirror stares back at me.

I feel alive! The world came in a sharp focus. It seems to be a pivotal moment as I feel one with myself. Suddenly, a three or four year old boy darted in front of my car from behind another car. I knew that the kid was safe as I pushed the brakes. A myriad of vibrations shook me to the core of my very being. I roll the window down to look for mom or dad. Dad looks at me and laughs as if there was nothing to it. He just asks the kid to step in the car and drives away. I drive home silently trying to figure out what had just happened. I thank the universe for being there for us.

As I ponder over the incident, a fog lifted and everything became crystal clear. The positive illusion of knowing that I knew how to live shattered. Being in the moment creates mindful awareness of what is going on right here and now. It includes any thinking we do about the past, present or future. I can evaluate the situation to learn from it to create a path forward for the future. Mindful awareness marries contemplation and day dreaming with reality.

Being aware allows me to stand back, make choices and direct my life to where I want to be. Being in the moment can save the day. The essence of the moment soothes the soul. We all have our moments when we live that moment.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Photo Source: courtesy of Stuart Miles / Free Digital Photos

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Core Elements For Teens to Raise Their Emotional Intelligence

Core Elements For Teens to Raise Their Emotional IntelligenceWe all know people who are great at mastering their emotions. They are good listeners and have a way of making you feel optimistic and even motivated. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were all able to master our emotions and improve our emotional intelligence? Raising your level of social emotional intelligence can benefit you in many areas of your life and can impact your level of happiness and success. It also plays a role in your level of consciousness and energy.

Emotional intelligence is important to understand. It’s more than just having the ability to recognize your emotions. Having a keen sense of emotional intelligence also means understanding what your feelings are telling you and how these feelings affect others around you.

When you’re in tune with your emotional intelligence, you have the skills to adjust your behavior accordingly by managing your emotions. You also possess the skill to recognize and manage the emotions of other people. Emotional intelligence then, is about interpersonal effectiveness. The more effective you are with other people, the more successful you can be. There are several ways you can go about increasing your level of social emotional intelligence.

Being self-aware
Being able to identify how you feel about things as well as understand who you are, are core elements to self-awareness and emotional intelligence. To increase your level of emotional intelligence via self-awareness, spend time focusing on the present. Write your beliefs and feelings on paper, allowing yourself to put things into perspective and become more aware of who you are.

Learn to empathize
Did you know empathy is the second most important emotion that highly successful people acquire? Having empathy means recognizing and understanding where the other person is coming from. By learning to empathize, you will possess a higher level of emotional intelligence that will allow you get close to others and gain their support. Having the skill of empathy also arms you with the ability to defuse highly-charged conflicts in life.

Learn the importance of self-regulation
To self-regulate means to think before you act. It means having the ability to shift your thoughts in a way that prevents your emotions from taking over a situation. People with self-regulation are aware of their own strengths and weaknesses and look at themselves honestly.

Improve your social skills
You can also raise your level of emotional intelligence by improving your social skills. Learn to connect and talk easily with other people. Be socially responsible for your feelings by focusing on others. This shows that you care about them, not only yourself or about personal gain.

People who are highly emotionally intelligent tend to be happier. They often accomplish more because they can control their mood to serve their purpose. They are more motivated to find solutions to problems and do not feel like a slave to their emotions, which allows them to create more meaningful relationships in both their personal and professional lives.


Author: Divya Parekh (ACC, CPC, LL, MS) is an international career leadership coach, Head Career Coach at International Coach Academy, and CEO of The DP Group. She assists executives, professionals, coaches and students plan, develop and achieve their career and leadership goals. She has been recognized by Worldwide Who’s Who as ‘VIP of the Year’ for showing dedication, leadership and excellence in leadership coaching. She is founder of the 1/1/1 Leader Project. The project prides itself on being simple. Set a goal. Work towards achieving it. Give someone a smile. Be nice to another person. Make the world a little bit nicer. It’s free so get started today!

Article References:
Help Guide

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